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Entry tags:
Graduation, Finally
Last Saturday, I graduated, walked across a stage, and was handed a fancy empty tube. (They don't mail diplomas until January, apparently.)
I've had a week to reflect on what was ultimately a bittersweet experience. Mom was on mostly good behavior, and yet. Much of her nonsense doesn't even strike me anymore, so Scott had to tell me how appalled he was when she noted that the person who would be *most* proud of me would be my fourth grade teacher. He thought that perhaps as my parent she should be prouder than said fourth grade teacher, but so it goes. I've had years to prepare for how few people would celebrate with me. Still, I was envious at all the graduates who had entire families and cheering sections turn out for them, and I had my Mom and Scott. Which is still better than nothing. (I also had the internet turn out for me on social media. Thank goodness for people on the internet!)
Due to delays and such I spent way more time with Mom in airports last Sunday than I had planned on. I managed it. I do the best I can, and sat at her gate with her until it was time for her plane to board. I am aware that my time with her is limited--she is 82--but I'm also glad I'm across the country. I hate that I feel that way, but I do. I did my best to take care of her and my sister when I was growing up; I've been the responsible one since at least 12, I've lacked support during crucial parts of my life, and I accept that because it made me what I am. Basically I'm sad I don't have a better relationship nor can I even envision a better one.
~
This week has been a long slog, and at least I got to sleep in this morning. We're redoing our kitchen and I'm cooking out of a microwave right now with Scott out of town. I did ask our contractors what cooking capability I could expect for xmas and was told they could wire up something so I could use the stove. With no dishwasher I'd still have to wash dishes in the bathroom sink, or I guess the bathtub if I actually get to roast something... We'll see what happens. At least this is a first world problem.
I have a ton of things to wind up at work before we close for the holiday Friday. But I am looking forward to a week off, hopefully sleeping and lazing--and okay, writing, but maybe a little writing can be devoted to fic for funsies. We'll see.
I've had a week to reflect on what was ultimately a bittersweet experience. Mom was on mostly good behavior, and yet. Much of her nonsense doesn't even strike me anymore, so Scott had to tell me how appalled he was when she noted that the person who would be *most* proud of me would be my fourth grade teacher. He thought that perhaps as my parent she should be prouder than said fourth grade teacher, but so it goes. I've had years to prepare for how few people would celebrate with me. Still, I was envious at all the graduates who had entire families and cheering sections turn out for them, and I had my Mom and Scott. Which is still better than nothing. (I also had the internet turn out for me on social media. Thank goodness for people on the internet!)
Due to delays and such I spent way more time with Mom in airports last Sunday than I had planned on. I managed it. I do the best I can, and sat at her gate with her until it was time for her plane to board. I am aware that my time with her is limited--she is 82--but I'm also glad I'm across the country. I hate that I feel that way, but I do. I did my best to take care of her and my sister when I was growing up; I've been the responsible one since at least 12, I've lacked support during crucial parts of my life, and I accept that because it made me what I am. Basically I'm sad I don't have a better relationship nor can I even envision a better one.
~
This week has been a long slog, and at least I got to sleep in this morning. We're redoing our kitchen and I'm cooking out of a microwave right now with Scott out of town. I did ask our contractors what cooking capability I could expect for xmas and was told they could wire up something so I could use the stove. With no dishwasher I'd still have to wash dishes in the bathroom sink, or I guess the bathtub if I actually get to roast something... We'll see what happens. At least this is a first world problem.
I have a ton of things to wind up at work before we close for the holiday Friday. But I am looking forward to a week off, hopefully sleeping and lazing--and okay, writing, but maybe a little writing can be devoted to fic for funsies. We'll see.
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