When Someone You Know On the Internet is Wrong

[caitri]

A friend's new boyfriend posted some bullshit and I called him on it. I am literally shaking with rage. The guy has been quite nice the couple of times I've met him, so sharing some vile racist bs--which likely came from Russian trolls--was unexpected and infuriating. I'm having to remind myself that 1) sometimes all you can do is call out the shit, and 2) sometimes people are going to be wrong. Healthy limits, blah blah. (Do I get points for not texting my friend and telling her to dump his sorry ass?)

It doesn't help I can feel myself coming down with a cold fairly quickly. I have a headache, the feeling of phlegm, cold feet, etc. etc. and am cranky. I did some easy tasks--printing out travel and conference documents for next week--but feel overwhelmed and unable to deal.

Comments

[monanotlisa]

Thanks for calling him on it, despite it all! Jesus Christ. Do you think your friend knows? If not, is there a way to let her know about his racism without you texting her directly?

[caitri]

I know they've had disagreements about other things--he apparently loves conspiracy theories and junk--and meanwhile she is doing voter registration for her neighborhood. I kinda feel like if they haven't bumped heads at this point either 1) they've agreed to disagree or 2) whatever happens at midterms will make it clear and render any meddling I do moot.

I also hesitate to do more because me trying to save friends from themselves has not worked in the past--rather the opposite, strangely enough, and I'm exhausted and fragile enough that I don't want to borrow more trouble just yet...

[minoanmiss]

I would not advise trying to save a friend from possible bad decisions. I was that friend once and I was too blinded by New Relationship Energy to listen; I had to suffer and learn and make my own decisions in the end. My friends were so very right, but I wasn't listening.

But/and you are made of awesome for wanting to and for standing up to his bullshit.

[caitri]

Heh, thanks for supporting my notions. <3 I've been annoyed all day, both at him and at myself for wasting this many spoons on willful ignorance. I do wonder if it's a sign I need to do a social media cull soon--as they say, you don't have to be friends with people you don't actually like!

[monanotlisa]

Yeah, don't do it directly; sorry, I should have been clearer: You can't save your friends for them. But sometimes there are opportunities to let them know the shit somebody else has been doing or saying without you dragging them by the scruff of the neck into it. :)