Advice Anyone?

[caitri]

So the plan is for me and Scott to go to GA for Thanksgiving and CO for Christmas. Just because that's what days off are like, I'll therefore be spending like 3 days back home and then a week meeting Scott's folks. (He's very excited about this.) I talked to Mom tonight though and she's kind of upset that this is the first Christmas I won't be home--there was snifflinf involved. I was surprised she was that way about it as we'd been discussing it a while. Long story short she offered to pay for the extra trip if I took another plane ride from CO to GA for the 26th to the 29th.

I feel kinda trapped in a no-win here. If I take the trip Scott will be disappointed; if I don't Mom will be. This is balanced also with the fact that I can spend the rest of my life with Scott but my Mom's probably only got a few years left (she turns 70 in February, though she remains in largely good health).

Anyone got any advice on how to navigate this baby??

Comments

Ah, the holiday season of greetings and cheer

[100wordspermin.livejournal.com]

When S and I were/are negotiating holiday issues and family time (the more lengthy and serious one's involvement, the more this kind of thing comes up), we both came the conclusion that we can't please everybody, so we might as well please ourselves. I think of it as healthy selfishness, because, truly, we could run around like proverbial chickens and exhaust ourselves and it would STILL not be enough. So if you've got any strong gut instincts on this, I say listen to 'em.

Ask yourself, too, if you've built enough time to actually RELAX into your holidays. Going new places and meeting new people can be stressful (on top of gift buying and wrapping, etc., etc.), and leaving work as one big ball o' stress, and coming back MORE stressed after trying to meet everyone's expectations--well, it could be bad.

As a bit of an aside, logistical questions:

--If you fly from CO to GA on mom's dime, who's paying for you to go back to Maryland?

--Could you maybe visit your mom for a few days in February instead of December and position it as a special visit since she's having a milestone birthday?

Two people love you muchly, and they both want you to spend time with them. It's tough to get out of that, knowing that you'll disappoint someone, without feeling like the world's biggest bitch, but in the end, you've got to make the best choice for you at the time.

I'll be thinking good thoughts for you.

Re: Ah, the holiday season of greetings and cheer

[caitri.livejournal.com]

I'm fit to be tied at this point. I've tussled with Scott, talked to Andrew twice, and I think I'm just gonna lock Ma and Scott up and let them fix it.

GRRR.

Re: Ah, the holiday season of greetings and cheer

[caitri.livejournal.com]

PS Mom would be paying for the whole to and from GA thing. Another part of why Scott's upset is he already bought more expensive tickets cos I didn't want to fly separately to CO so he got round-trip when he won't be using one ticket, and so if I don't use the other that's just more money wasted. And I offered to pay him the difference and he was like "no no" and he's also worried about the "sustainability" of us having this argument every year. And he doesn't want me to "be a martyr" trying to keep everyone happy and then exhausting myself (pfft) and I really just want to tear my hair out. That said what I think I most wanna do is spend the week as planned in CO, fly to GA, and then take the train back to DC. I think that's what'd make me happy.

Re: Ah, the holiday season of greetings and cheer

[100wordspermin.livejournal.com]

Any reason you can't do that, then?

How're things going?

Also, couple argue about this kind of thing (along with sex and money) more than any other topic. Scott's worry is logical, but everyone who's not an orphan run into this eventually.