I guess mostly along the lines of "does the story make sense" type things, and suggestions on what bothered you if not. I'm thinking of even making it a stand alone now--I think it could even work.
A couple things I've thought about doing for a possible appendices: an explanation of the religions, if they aren't clear through the shorthand (possibly written in the format of a paper at the University of Scuolaton); a timeline; a cast of characters (except I think the text lacks the complexity to make such a thing very necessary).
(no subject)
Date: 2007-12-10 11:32 pm (UTC)Just so's I know--what kind of feedback are you looking for?
(no subject)
Date: 2007-12-11 01:20 am (UTC)A couple things I've thought about doing for a possible appendices: an explanation of the religions, if they aren't clear through the shorthand (possibly written in the format of a paper at the University of Scuolaton); a timeline; a cast of characters (except I think the text lacks the complexity to make such a thing very necessary).