Warning: Self-Pitying Rant Enclosed
Jul. 26th, 2005 08:20 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
caitriToday was one of those days. Work was all Office Spacey: never mind how I've worked there two years, am a primary ILL processor (i.e. the office in McKeldin is to all intents and purposes MY office), and in fact did a LARGE part of the work in a special project for the guy last year, one of the librarians STILL can't be bothered to remember my name. Yup, I am the "CP student." Thanks. I feel the appreciation.
Next got an email and a phone call (missed) from Scott. It recounted his vacation in lovely prose and awesome pictures. And damn he looks good. And tanned. (I'm a mole these days. Stupid office.) If it's possible to be homesick for a person, that's what I felt when I saw him. I honestly have not a single bit of hope that he'd ever want to get back together, but when I saw the picture of him climbing with Oakley my tummy did that funny flippy thing it does when a guy I like does something I think is adorable. *thwacks head on desk* Jim asked me why I keep talking to him, and basically it's like, I can't bring myself not to, not yet anyway. I like the way he looks at the world too much. And maybe one day I can talk to him or look at him and not get the flippy feeling. I hope.
And then insert the usual crap with the roomies here. Grr.
I think my main problem is that I am just existentially tired. I haven't had a vacation myself--an honest, carefree, 0-stress vacation, in over two years now. Possibly three even, it's all blurry. *stupid grad school* Basically I come home most days and I'm just quivering while I try to fix something to eat (and yes I am good and eat lunches now, so it's not hunger-related). And I just need to keep working while I can (six more weeks) cos when my job runs out, I need what I can while hunt, though I hope I can find some temp work somewhere. (Same reason I can't move out of this place. Gr.) And I'm just sick of worrying about all that and thinking about it and blah blah.
So yeah. Long day. Oi.
Next got an email and a phone call (missed) from Scott. It recounted his vacation in lovely prose and awesome pictures. And damn he looks good. And tanned. (I'm a mole these days. Stupid office.) If it's possible to be homesick for a person, that's what I felt when I saw him. I honestly have not a single bit of hope that he'd ever want to get back together, but when I saw the picture of him climbing with Oakley my tummy did that funny flippy thing it does when a guy I like does something I think is adorable. *thwacks head on desk* Jim asked me why I keep talking to him, and basically it's like, I can't bring myself not to, not yet anyway. I like the way he looks at the world too much. And maybe one day I can talk to him or look at him and not get the flippy feeling. I hope.
And then insert the usual crap with the roomies here. Grr.
I think my main problem is that I am just existentially tired. I haven't had a vacation myself--an honest, carefree, 0-stress vacation, in over two years now. Possibly three even, it's all blurry. *stupid grad school* Basically I come home most days and I'm just quivering while I try to fix something to eat (and yes I am good and eat lunches now, so it's not hunger-related). And I just need to keep working while I can (six more weeks) cos when my job runs out, I need what I can while hunt, though I hope I can find some temp work somewhere. (Same reason I can't move out of this place. Gr.) And I'm just sick of worrying about all that and thinking about it and blah blah.
So yeah. Long day. Oi.
