caitri | Warning: Self-Pitying Rant Enclosed

Today was one of those days. Work was all Office Spacey: never mind how I've worked there two years, am a primary ILL processor (i.e. the office in McKeldin is to all intents and purposes MY office), and in fact did a LARGE part of the work in a special project for the guy last year, one of the librarians STILL can't be bothered to remember my name. Yup, I am the "CP student." Thanks. I feel the appreciation.

Next got an email and a phone call (missed) from Scott. It recounted his vacation in lovely prose and awesome pictures. And damn he looks good. And tanned. (I'm a mole these days. Stupid office.) If it's possible to be homesick for a person, that's what I felt when I saw him. I honestly have not a single bit of hope that he'd ever want to get back together, but when I saw the picture of him climbing with Oakley my tummy did that funny flippy thing it does when a guy I like does something I think is adorable. *thwacks head on desk* Jim asked me why I keep talking to him, and basically it's like, I can't bring myself not to, not yet anyway. I like the way he looks at the world too much. And maybe one day I can talk to him or look at him and not get the flippy feeling. I hope.

And then insert the usual crap with the roomies here. Grr.

I think my main problem is that I am just existentially tired. I haven't had a vacation myself--an honest, carefree, 0-stress vacation, in over two years now. Possibly three even, it's all blurry. *stupid grad school* Basically I come home most days and I'm just quivering while I try to fix something to eat (and yes I am good and eat lunches now, so it's not hunger-related). And I just need to keep working while I can (six more weeks) cos when my job runs out, I need what I can while hunt, though I hope I can find some temp work somewhere. (Same reason I can't move out of this place. Gr.) And I'm just sick of worrying about all that and thinking about it and blah blah.

So yeah. Long day. Oi.