So that's the end

[caitri]

Had my big meeting at LC, which went well, and then there was the main event of the day, My Last Lunch With Andrew, which is a bit like the Last Supper with Jesus but with Judas Iscariot at the best spot at the table and having a chili-cheeseburger.

Um yeah.

It was unbelievably disappointing. How else to explain being with one of my best friends for what may be the last time ever, a man whom I've more or less been in love with since I was fifteen, and finding we have nothing to say to each other, and what we do say is more or less meaningless?

I think I should be in some way relieved, and maybe I am, but it's just, crap, is that all? A hug, a hotdog, a book, goodbye? Don't I deserve a little more than that?

"That's just what I felt like in grad school." Um, no. As I recall, your best friend did not run off and knock up some chick and get shotgun married, did he?

I gave him the meds back too. Only legit stuff for me from now on. No more marching Christmas kitties hallucinations for me, thanks.

Witness me on the straight and narrow. Well more or less. Following my heart sounds nice, but clearly my heart has shit for brains.

Grr. Argh.

Comments

[secret-october.livejournal.com]

You go girl! arms, and fingers snapping and swiging around! :) Hey, I live in the ghetto, I catch on...

--Carolynn

[caitri.livejournal.com]

Nooo, you live in the nice part of Greenbelt. I live in the ghetto. I figure the difference is if you hear gunshots at night and rather than be shocked, you sit there and time the sirens, that proves it. ;-)

I've just been unbelievably stupid about all this, y'know? Every which way. Stupid guy, stupid heart. Argh.

No more stupidity. Well at least not much.

How was the meatloaf? :-D

[secret-october.livejournal.com]

I did not think that the meatloaf went well at all... but Eric did love it anyway. What a trooper! He is very good to me even though I made such a horrible meal!

I am glad that you are over Anderew, and that you are back to normal. You'll meet the right guy it just takes time. I was 30 years old when I got married.:)

--Carolynn

[caitri.livejournal.com]

Aw don't be hard on yourself: meatloaf is kinda like omelets, I mean you can change the ingredients all you want but it still is what it is, and if ya like it you'll love it. (And that's why you two are soooooo CUTE. ;))

I don't know if I am over him yet, but I am doing my best. I am a tough lil birdie and nobody's buttmonkey.

And dear amiga, unfortunate confession: I'll NEVER be normal, but I kinda think that's a good thing!! ;)